renovations are on the way

No image today. This whole holiday season thing always brings about the desire to be something bigger and better. I am finally making the leap and going professional. I might be talking a little less and posting a little more. I am in the process of doing an overhaul of the design of this blog and putting some serious thought into a website.. WHOA! Now I need to do some learning, as I am a stubborn DIY kind of gal. New posts VERY soon.

everyday matters

It's the title of another Danny Gregory book. It means alot to me and I haven't even read the book yet, but the simple combination of words is so true. Lately I have been trying to at least find something significantly different about each of my days versus all of the others I have lived. Not just different, but important to the person that I wish to be, and actually find myself becoming a little more everyday. Last night, my littlest sister and I had a movie night. I put Arnica Gel on her calf that was sore from swimming (that silly little cow, she can't keep it out of water). I had a single drink because I felt like it, and no one joined me but that was ok with me. And then, late at night I fell into a chat about why I journal and how important it is to me... and, I guess, what I hope to do for someone in the future.

I started writing journals before I hit double digits. Back then they were called 'diaries'. I think I may have actually written to the Dear Diary on more than one occasion. But I always hated the term, and I didn't like to share that I kept one, I only ever wrote a few things that I wished no one else to ever read. Those I found years later under lock and key.. I think one of them was mentioning that I saw Jonathan Taylor Thomas in a dream.

Yeah, I was a shy kid. To this day I still turn bright red if you strike the right chord.

Anyway, for some reason I had the insight back then to write down things that no one else would really care about. But they mattered to me. Throughout the years of sporatic cleaning bursts, finding these random journals that have 5 pages at the front full of words and then the rest blank (I have a terrible habit of that) stop me in my tracks, and a 30 minute job lasts for hours.

One entry is still burned into my brain. It's the only one that I remember being accompanied by a drawing. I'm not sure whether I never forgot that day, or I just came across that book so many times that I had a constant reminder, but there's something profound about writing mundane things about daily activities. I was 9 years old. Late 1994, Grade 5. Vern Ames Public School, and that day in class we did gymnastics. I can't remember why I thought it was the most important thing to write down that day, maybe it was because I always had a secret desire to be a dancer, specifically to do ballet, and gymnastics was closer than I had ever been. I had friends that were able to do some really cool stuff with dance and gymnastics. Maybe I was inspired back then, as I still am today, with what you can potentially do with your body. Strength and flexibility have always fascinated me, both with what you can visually see, and what it means as far as levels of health. Whatever the reason. I remember that day, I remember being in that class and the door in the far corner was open. And then I begin to remember other parts about that gymnasium. I always loved the days we used the sit down scooters, and I never learned to like basketball. I catch myself thinking, and then I realize why I should keep writing.

I don't know the exact number, I'm not a scientist, and I don't plan on becoming one. But, I know I have heard on several occasions from several sources, that you retain and remember at least twice of what you see, hear, do, experience in general when you write down even a single sentence that your mind attaches the memory to. Maybe it's because you force yourself to really think about the experience? I'm not into reasons, I'm into results.

I know that because of two little books, one I bought in a Paper store on Yonge Street in Toronto while I was early for an interview for a job I was offered and never took. To me, that was the coolest looking sketchbook I had ever seen. So I bought it and didn't touch it until the end of April when I was sitting in the Amsterdam airport's lounge area on a stopover between Toronto and Rome. That book is still filled to about half way. While living in Florence in May, I went and bought the second book of that journey. A small art supply store around the corner from my apartment sold Moleskines. I had just embarked on my first Moleskine ever back at home before I left and I fell in love with the paper quality, the size, the shape, ease of portability, and the deceptively simple black cover that tells nothing about the contents.

Now I don't have any more blank pages. I'm on my third Moleskine since I've returned from Italy. I waited until December 1st for this one, and I have to say I was slacking a little this week, but I plan to have this baby filled by the end of this month, getting myself prepped for a book a month in the coming year. That's going to be one of my 2009 goals.

I love to draw, and I am finally stuck on making it my life, but I find my sketchbooks have begun to come to life ever since I let my words creep onto my drawings, on walls, behind faces, becoming the dominant design, giving new meaning to the entire image. Sometimes people think they can decipher my intentions. Sometimes it really looks that way, but anyone who has ever been confused by their own language knows that there are words and terms we may not fully understand, and because we learn by experience and observation, each person has their own little dictionary inside.

Back to what I was on about, all the little things we do, even 50 years ago, would have been so different then. The world is changing so quickly, I want even just one future generation to be able to look and see the differences, but more importantly see the similarities. Right now, I'm just a twenty something trying to get my things together and get my life sorted out. The older I get and the more I learn, the more I realize I don't know a hell of a lot.

All this was pushed out of me because I forgot to turn off my alarm clock this morning. When I finally became conscious and started listening to the radio.. "The count for Canadians killed in Afghanistan is up to 100 as of yesterday."

That's signficant.

And for me, it was worth writing down.

Something to get excited about..

Since my last visit here, I've gone all the way to the other side of The Rockies, and came back. While in BC, a cousin got married, I drank more vodka than I have since high school, and I created some memories with my family that I am sure to treasure for a long time to come. The chats with my aunt and uncle are easily in the top 5 of that week.

School is getting more and more exciting for me. Taking the extra time to complete my degree is one of the best things that could have happened for me. I don't know if I would have ever been able to get so much out school if I never went to Italy. It seems like everything means so much more once you start really observing the world and stop obsessing over photo-realism. I have so much more fun now, and I love the end product.



My friends over at conceptart.org have been saying that there's so much emotion in my work now; something that was definitely missing even as little as a year ago. Everything works out in the end.

Today I was reminded, as my work has their little Christmas countdown going, that it's just around the bend. We're at about a month away, and it's time to cut myself off from things. Sadly, or happily, as Santa might drop it off.. I wandered over to James Jean's site the other day for some inspiration and to check out what the genius was up to, and discovered this little gem. Butterflies, I tell you! Butterflies! And not the kind gluten's been giving me.. bleh..

Enjoy!!

We be jammin'.

My dinner tonight was pretty much... chlorophyll.

I ate kale for the first time yesterday and now I'm addicted.

Have I mentioned I like salads.. alot?

In other news, I'm still needling away at that portrait.. about ready to add the next face. I'm a little stuck as to whether I should make it a ridiculous wall of self-portraits, or whether I should stick up random faces, or should they be random? Or of people I know? Parts of me? I would explore all of these options if it wouldn't mean weeks and weeks worth of hours of commitment. This could get dangerous..

Meanwhile, I'm still wandering around plain-old-portrait land. Instant gratification keeps me inspired during this trying time..

Sometimes tiny changes can have a big impact.

I lost the cord to connect my camera and my scanner to my computer. That's my excuse for lack of update. It's not a great excuse though, my sister has the same camera and, therefore, the same cord upstairs. Lately I've been working away on this piece. I'm planning on submitting a proposal to have a show at Carnegie Gallery and submissions are due in May. It's probably going to take me that long to finish up this baby.

A major thing for me lately has been media exploration. I'm not going to go on to give you another half hour lecture on it's importance.. I'm just having so much fun with it. I recently discovered a magazine [http://www.frankie.com.au/] that is so perfectly me, but it's an out-of-date issue and the most recent one is nowhere to be found. It's ok though, it's coming from Australia, so my August issue was talking about the approaching summer. It was my luck that I scored an old issue, the knitting pattern was a super cute hat - I don't know if I would have felt the same had I been handed a crocheted bikini that I wouldn't make use of even in an Australian December.

I like hats, and I ramble a bit too much.

I'm back into complete Chuck Close obsession mode again, and I've fallen in love with Rob Ryan's lovely cut-outs.

I've also done a little bit of part-time career switching around.

I've started a Christmas list already.

I'm playing guitar again..

and I drew with a pencil for the first time in over a year.

my knuckles are bruised from knocking on wood

... but at least it's working

open sesame.

i don't think i've mentioned it on here, but i've been volunteering at my old high school. it's been a consistent three weeks, so it's worth mentioning now. last week i gave the grade 12 portfolio class my first assignment. i'm learning the importance of very strict guidelines.

in college we don't know what to do when we are given open assignments, but we always try to twist things when the instructions are very rigid. these kids aren't much different.

anyway, my first assignment was inspired by a page in "caffeine for the creative mind" by stefan mumaw & wendy lee oldfield.. a sparkling little gem i stumbled across on amazon one day. it's full of short little exercises that anyone can do to boost their creative juicies. yes, juicies.

so basically what i had my group of 5 do a self-portrait, they cringed.. so i said it could be realistic, caricature.. whatever. the hair could be any shape, any colour.. but had to be composed completely of text.. words describing them, their interests, anything that has to do with them.. and a minimum of three media had to be used.

the basic idea was to introduce me to them, and it's also going to be something to look back on at the end of the semester.

i promised to do the assignment with them, so mine is up above. self-portraits are still a challenge for me, but i was also rushed. that's my story, and i'm sticking to it.

yesterday we had our little group critique. all but one brought their portraits in, and it was nice to see that they really did put an honest effort in. there was also a wide variety in style.. and i didn't expect it, but each one had so much to say in their "hair".. small and slightly incoherent in the best way possible. never give yourself away. one girl used text messages she had sent to various friends. i like how they took the initiative to decide what they wanted to say, and it still had something to do with them.

frustration was expressed with my portrait on the table, but that wasn't my goal. i'm hoping that it inspires a little. i'm beginning to formulate what i want to achieve with this class this year.

mixed media is a biggie - i'm hoping that i can show them how much dimension and variety multiple media usage can give, and how many things can be used to make art that you wouldn't normally think of

portraits - we are going to do several. i have learned so much by drawing portraits.. if you can get someone's face to look right, it's such a big lesson in proportion that can be applied to almost everything in art.. and nothing is more gratifying than drawing a face that looks a little alive

composition - i don't have alot to say about it, but i'm sick of the center.

and finally, exhausting your creativity and ideas until you break through to something else.. which is what we are working on for assignment number two. i did a mild version of an assignment i had in second year illustration where we had to do 90 reproductions of a simple object. my little high schoolers are doing 30 for me. they have to use 5 different media, and the rest is up to them. they will get stuck at 10. and that is the point.

i love this.

and today, i did something new. i bought virgin honeycomb at one of my many jobs after work. i ate it, too. i wasn't sure if i was supposed to swallow the wax as well, but it kind of turned into a natural chewing gum after a few minutes, and i decided that i didn't want that in my stomach.

i also got my favourite granola, the only hippie mix i'd ever pay $10 for.. but i get a discount so that makes it ok.

..and some ezekiel bread. sesame.

closed sesame.

soul sings to me through altec lansing speakers

i finished my sketchbook.

i finished it with a personal rant in red pen and a quick typical cafe drawing delivered over a grande ginger green tea (i got a few starbucks cards from work, free drawing opportunity and a comforting beverage. sweet.) finishing the book only took me about 3 months to do..

i like what i did, but i should have done more.

so now i've got a book that has 4 pages worked, started back in march or april.. moleskine's are too nice and too expensive to waste because it's not chronological.. and i'm big on the whole chronological thing.. so i'm trying to get into this one.. i've got 2 more that i'd like to get through before christmas. probably works out to 3-5 pages per day, keeping in mind there will be days i won't do anything at all.

on a completely different note, i found a soul station on iTunes.. but they keep playing crap 90's smooth rap crap.. not really feeling it. reminds me of grade 6 dances. this song was probably sorta cool then. maybe.

banana. watermelon. seed.

i put a hole in my middle finger.. and other true tales

this makes me happy



always..

and yes, there really is a hole in my finger, serves me right with my bad picking-at-things habit..

an update from last time, i also decided to return to sheridan. i had an appointment at 10am last wednesday morning and actually made it in on time (that NEVER happens).. then i had to sit and wait for my counsellor to go talk to some people and find out if i could even go back at all this year.. (long story, i might tell it in 5 years when it doesn't matter anymore), and she comes back to say that i had class that afternoon at 2! it's only one class, and it's life drawing.. so i know i can kick ass with a class finally, i'm still so pumped about the whole thing.. *glee*

one of my current jobs has gotten me into this whole goal-setting thing, so right now i've got a goal for the next month of finishing up my current sketchbook and getting halfway through the next.. so you can count on seeing some more frequent posting, and even more on conceptart.org.. also, i'm aiming to have my first show before 2010, so i've got a little over a year..

big dreams.

life is good.

cool.

rocky mountain love affair

two days ago i was in a ford fusion, driving away from the newest addition to my heart. i spent the majority of last week nestled in the little place known as banff. i had been through the rockies before, when i was 8. crammed in the backseat of an oldsmobile with my two little sisters that i had yet to become friends with. with family, i find it's easier to love than like. i'm happy to say that i like just about every family member i've got. that says alot.

i landed on monday, and my wonderful friend josh, whom i haven't seen in probably 4 years came to pick me up from the airport, as he just happened to move to calgary this past june. i was so excited to see him again, and we had a fantastic day in calgary and in banff. i miss him again, i forgot how much fun we could have.

i don't remember what my face looked like as we approached the mountains, but i remember how i felt. vacations usually have a lasting impression on me.. but nothing like this.. pretty much since monday i've been trying to figure out a way to get myself back out to that side of the country..

so completely unrelated, and at the exact same time so VERY related, i've been debating what to do about school. it's just like me to change my mind when it's almost too late. the plan for this year was to take time off school and see what i can do with art, and then this whole massage therapy worked it's way in and then i stopped working towards getting school straightened out. tomorrow school starts. i'm enrolled in shit all and i want to go back to sheridan. so i will probably go stand in a line tomorrow and hope that someone shows a little mercy towards a girl that can't shake herself of the love of design and colour and shape and line and reality and distortion. i'm still obsessed with art books, my art has taken such a drastic turn since italy.. and i miss sheridan. i almost feel like i would be cheating if i went ahead and tried to start a career right now.

it's not that i want to prove something to anyone. my heart just melted when i was looking through this year's grad book. yeah, sure.. i could excel at school for massage therapy, i would probably come to some pretty amazing conclusions if i went ahead with my BSc and did research, or i could try really hard to help people help themselves if i was a doctor or nutritionist.. but people will help themselves if they really desire it.. just like i did.

this is something i can't shake.. yeah, there's ebb and flow and sometimes i wonder what the hell i think i'm doing with my life..

i was thinking about it while watching chris & the boys play at ribfest last night. the kids that are drawn to the sound and can't help but move.. all ages sitting and watching and loving every second of it.

how many people in their life wanted to use an art form for any given reason, but never gave themselves the time, or someone else didn't believe in them enough to allow them to develop their skills...?

i live my life by love. this is what i love to do. the details will follow.

the lines will lead.

wow... it's july

so, i'm trying to keep with this..

i should be in bed right now, but i'm not.

so here's some feet i did earlier today.. i've been telling everyone to do more stuff from life, decided to take my own advice..

italy stuff coming soon [promise]

the second hand moves slower in europe

I haven't even been home 3 weeks, and life is zooming by again. I lived in Florence longer than I've been home and now it feels like a big dream.

A big dream that someone got into and took a bunch of pictures. Like, thousands.

So it's about time to get some of my favourite journal pages out in the open.. I don't think I was ever as content with my drawing as I was during those 6 weeks. For the first time I wasn't scared to explore and now my work is taking on a new, but still very me, and still very familiar taste. I'm finally figuring out how to incorporate all of the things I enjoy doing into a four-sided space.

back home

i returned home from italy 11 days ago.

6 weeks got my creativity going, so now.. after the suggestion of several friends, i guess it's about time i post what i've been up to, and since i actually did a drawing [though incomplete] outside of a sketchbook.. it's an appropriate first post.

some of my favourite journal pages will begin to make appearance in the next few days..

here we go!