rocky mountain love affair

two days ago i was in a ford fusion, driving away from the newest addition to my heart. i spent the majority of last week nestled in the little place known as banff. i had been through the rockies before, when i was 8. crammed in the backseat of an oldsmobile with my two little sisters that i had yet to become friends with. with family, i find it's easier to love than like. i'm happy to say that i like just about every family member i've got. that says alot.

i landed on monday, and my wonderful friend josh, whom i haven't seen in probably 4 years came to pick me up from the airport, as he just happened to move to calgary this past june. i was so excited to see him again, and we had a fantastic day in calgary and in banff. i miss him again, i forgot how much fun we could have.

i don't remember what my face looked like as we approached the mountains, but i remember how i felt. vacations usually have a lasting impression on me.. but nothing like this.. pretty much since monday i've been trying to figure out a way to get myself back out to that side of the country..

so completely unrelated, and at the exact same time so VERY related, i've been debating what to do about school. it's just like me to change my mind when it's almost too late. the plan for this year was to take time off school and see what i can do with art, and then this whole massage therapy worked it's way in and then i stopped working towards getting school straightened out. tomorrow school starts. i'm enrolled in shit all and i want to go back to sheridan. so i will probably go stand in a line tomorrow and hope that someone shows a little mercy towards a girl that can't shake herself of the love of design and colour and shape and line and reality and distortion. i'm still obsessed with art books, my art has taken such a drastic turn since italy.. and i miss sheridan. i almost feel like i would be cheating if i went ahead and tried to start a career right now.

it's not that i want to prove something to anyone. my heart just melted when i was looking through this year's grad book. yeah, sure.. i could excel at school for massage therapy, i would probably come to some pretty amazing conclusions if i went ahead with my BSc and did research, or i could try really hard to help people help themselves if i was a doctor or nutritionist.. but people will help themselves if they really desire it.. just like i did.

this is something i can't shake.. yeah, there's ebb and flow and sometimes i wonder what the hell i think i'm doing with my life..

i was thinking about it while watching chris & the boys play at ribfest last night. the kids that are drawn to the sound and can't help but move.. all ages sitting and watching and loving every second of it.

how many people in their life wanted to use an art form for any given reason, but never gave themselves the time, or someone else didn't believe in them enough to allow them to develop their skills...?

i live my life by love. this is what i love to do. the details will follow.

the lines will lead.